My new book is now available

    My new book, Leaders Wanted: The Power of Influence, Professional Behavior and Moral Leadership, is now available on Amazon. http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00I6U1YZG

 

"O death where is thy sting, O grave where is thy victory?"

To read amazing interviews with warriors, check out Warrior SOS: Interviews, Insights and Inspiration, the book on Amazon.com. Here's the link: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00D3WO7VK

In My Father's Eyes -- What God Sees in Me

Heavenly Father’s Eyes and Me

by Jeffrey Denning

I cannot go this life alone

I need strength beyond my own.

Troubles near and troubles far

It does not matter who you are.

Everyone in time of need

Finds themselves on bended knee,

Looking up as if to say,

“Please help me live another day.”

When life ends it's mortal journey

And our body's limp and lonely,

Buried deep within the Earth

We'll discover our real worth.

In our Heavenly Father's eyes

We will see Him when He cries

For the wickedness of men

And of war, of rage, and sin.

And so it goes when in life lows

Through dark valleys we must go

Only if my eyes could see

What Heavenly Father sees in me.

He would see an imperfect man,

But He would let me know I can

Return and live with Him someday

With my family here today.

He would help me now to see

That I like Him can someday be

By relying on His Only Son

The Infinite and Eternal One.

I can have a healthy heart;

I can make a brand new start.

He can heal and comfort me

If through His eyes I view me.

Copyright - 2013 Jeffrey Denning 

I wrote this poem after having a really tough day. I was reminded of those times of desperation and prayer that I spoke of in the poem when just the day before I heard a colleague -- a former Vietnam era Marine -- point out to a younger war veteran of Iraq that he certainly pleaded for heavenly help and cannot deny it when that first bullet whizzed past his head in battle. The younger veteran admitted, almost sheepishly, that he had prayed. In times of in desperation there can be a tendency to pray, even if we normally don’t. I’ve certainly had those prayers of panic and pleading.

Feeling that I was about to fall to my certain and painful death, I have prayed. I have begged and pleaded with the Creator of the Universe more than once. I said I would do anything for Him, but “please, please help me live.” I got into a foolish situation. I feared greatly. I've tried to keep up my side of the bargain.

The interesting thing is that there are other times -- times in our lives when there are mean people or hardships -- when we wonder if the challenges we face will ever leave. We wonder if our situation will ever change. The poem embraces those times best. 

God is our loving Heavenly Father. I believe He sees all things and knows all things. He knows what is best for us and He is anxious to bless and help us. He sees in us what we cannot see in ourselves. He recognizes our potential. He feels sorrow when we do wrong and so do we. Fortunately, we can repent when we do wrong and be better tomorrow, and today. We are all sinners to one degree or another, but we can strive to be better.  

When we feel sorrow and suffering (not necessarily because of our sins, but because of our circumstances and imperfections or the imperfections of others), I believe there is a special kind of unconditional love only a parent can give us, in this case a Heavenly Parent, One who sees in us what we cannot see in ourselves. 

Our Heavenly Father has a plan for us; He wants to see us succeed. He sees what is around the corner for us. Great things are in store for us. He will help us. He will guide us. He will comfort us, but only if we let Him. God loves us. Let us love Him. 

“But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.”

--1 Corinthians 2:9


To read amazing interviews with warriors, check out my book Warrior SOS: Interviews, Insights and Inspiration, the book on Amazon.com. Here's the link: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00D3WO7VK

Buy Warrior SOS, the book on Amazon today!

Do you want to know what war is really like? 

Are you struggling with your military experiences?  Is someone you know struggling?  

Warrior SOS: Interviews, Insights and Inspiration available on Amazon full of incredible interviews from amazing people.  Each chapter highlights the stories of those who have struggled with PTSd or other challenges of war.  From care givers to operators, each page will tug on your emotional heartstrings.  Warriors will find hope and healing when reading about the PTSD and TBI from the crème de la crème of military Special Operations.  Warrior SOS, the book, highlights some of the following profiles: 

• US Army Special Forces operators on Special Mission Units, 
• US Navy SEAL,
• A USAF triple amputee survivor,
• WWII survivor of the Battle of the Bulge, 
• Lead expedition guide for Soldiers to the Summit, 
• US Marine and survivor of the US embassy bombing in Beirut,
• Veteran SWAT operators and experienced police officers with military experience, 
• The struggles of a humble caregiver, and the faith of a widow, and many more. 

In short, Warrior SOS details the war experiences of military veterans in their own words, with a focus on faith, healing and recovery. Combat veterans of Afghanistan, Iraq and other wars courageously share their stories of tragedy, injury, and post-traumatic stress (PTSD). Veterans, as well as family members and advocates, tell how war has changed them and offer suggestions to help heal the combat wounded soul.

To read amazing interviews with warriors, check out Warrior SOS: Interviews, Insights and Inspiration, the book on Amazon.com. Here's the link: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00D3WO7VK

Don't Drink and Drive

When I was a Private in the military, stationed in South Korea, I had a roommate who lost his wife to a drunk driver. They were married just two weeks. He was working for an ambulance service and responded to an overturned vehicle that was hit by a drunk driver. It was his wife and her best friend.

As the firefighters tried to extract the mangled vehicle, my friend laid on his stomach holding his wife's hand. She was conscious and alert, but fading quickly. The "jaws of life" and other extraction tools were unable to open the the vehicle enough to get her out before she died.

Years later, after a tour in Iraq, a young man I worked with on a daily basis was killed after being home in America for less than two weeks. He wasn't used to driving.  He wasn't used to being back home in the U.S. Like many veterans coming home, he was probably driving much faster than the posted speed limit. I'm not sure, but I suspect he was drinking.

Driving impaired and getting wasted has lasting consequences. Watch this video and pass it on.


To read amazing interviews with warriors, check out Warrior SOS: Interviews, Insights and Inspiration, the book on Amazon.com. Here's the link: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00D3WO7VK

One operator's PTSD story and healing journey

Scot Spooner is the brother of Tom Spooner. Both were in US SOCOM. Tom was interviewed here on the Warrior SOS blog as well as in Warrior SOS, the book, available on Amazon.com. 

Scot wrote a great book, called My Life.  Recently he wrote an article titled One Warrior's Perspective on PTSD that is well worth reading (in addition to his book). Below are some excerpts from the article found on http://chairbornecommandos.com/one-warriors-perspective-on-ptsd/. 

"I was miserable. I hated the idea of going to work. I had stomach issues that no one could explain. I had widespread chronic pain no one could explain. I had anxiety attacks that I did not know were anxiety attacks. I would often get lost driving back to my house at the end of a long day. I broke out in crying fits all alone in my truck, or when watching a sappy movie. I was short-tempered with the team leaders that served under me. I was in constant turmoil with my superiors..."

"The physiological effects of high risk training and combat are as equally devastating as the psychological effects."

"Those who have committed suicide due to their inability to learn how to live with the “new normal” were not and are not cowards. They are people that need relief. We are all creatures of comfort and will always seek comfort. Hell, that’s why we squirm around in a chair – to get comfortable. These individuals end up in a place in life that is so painful that the only way to achieve any level of sanity or comfort is to end it all.  Unless you have ever been in so much pain that death looks like a good alternative to continuing to live in hell in this life, you have no right to judge a veteran that makes this sad yet too common choice. This is what we must strive to change!"

To review the entire article, check out http://chairbornecommandos.com/one-warriors-perspective-on-ptsd/

Thanks Scot. You're a true warrior and a good man.

To read amazing interviews with warriors, check out Warrior SOS: Interviews, Insights and Inspiration, the book on Amazon.com. Here's the link: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00D3WO7VK

Justifiable Self-Defense

To read amazing interviews with warriors, check out Warrior SOS: Interviews, Insights and Inspiration, the book on Amazon.com. Here's the link: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00D3WO7VK

"I am sorry it has come to this": A soldier's last words

This post is taken from the following website: http://gawker.com/i-am-sorry-that-it-has-come-to-this-a-soldiers-last-534538357

"I am sorry it has come to this": A soldier's last words

Daniel Somers was a veteran of Operation Iraqi Freedom. He was part of Task Force Lightning, an intelligence unit. In 2004-2005, he was mainly assigned to a Tactical Human-Intelligence Team (THT) in Baghdad, Iraq, where he ran more than 400 combat missions as a machine gunner in the turret of a Humvee, interviewed countless Iraqis ranging from concerned citizens to community leaders and and government officials, and interrogated dozens of insurgents and terrorist suspects. In 2006-2007, Daniel worked with Joint Special Operations Command (JSOC) through his former unit in Mosul where he ran the Northern Iraq Intelligence Center. His official role was as a senior analyst for the Levant (Lebanon, Syria, Jordan, Israel, and part of Turkey). Daniel suffered greatly from PTSD and had been diagnosed with traumatic brain injury and several other war-related conditions. On June 10, 2013, Daniel wrote the following letter to his family before taking his life. Daniel was 30 years old. His wife and family have given permission to publish it.

I am sorry that it has come to this.

The fact is, for as long as I can remember my motivation for getting up every day has been so that you would not have to bury me. As things have continued to get worse, it has become clear that this alone is not a sufficient reason to carry on. The fact is, I am not getting better, I am not going to get better, and I will most certainly deteriorate further as time goes on. From a logical standpoint, it is better to simply end things quickly and let any repercussions from that play out in the short term than to drag things out into the long term.

You will perhaps be sad for a time, but over time you will forget and begin to carry on. Far better that than to inflict my growing misery upon you for years and decades to come, dragging you down with me. It is because I love you that I can not do this to you. You will come to see that it is a far better thing as one day after another passes during which you do not have to worry about me or even give me a second thought. You will find that your world is better without me in it.

I really have been trying to hang on, for more than a decade now. Each day has been a testament to the extent to which I cared, suffering unspeakable horror as quietly as possible so that you could feel as though I was still here for you. In truth, I was nothing more than a prop, filling space so that my absence would not be noted. In truth, I have already been absent for a long, long time.

My body has become nothing but a cage, a source of pain and constant problems. The illness I have has caused me pain that not even the strongest medicines could dull, and there is no cure. All day, every day a screaming agony in every nerve ending in my body. It is nothing short of torture. My mind is a wasteland, filled with visions of incredible horror, unceasing depression, and crippling anxiety, even with all of the medications the doctors dare give. Simple things that everyone else takes for granted are nearly impossible for me. I can not laugh or cry. I can barely leave the house. I derive no pleasure from any activity. Everything simply comes down to passing time until I can sleep again. Now, to sleep forever seems to be the most merciful thing.

You must not blame yourself. The simple truth is this: During my first deployment, I was made to participate in things, the enormity of which is hard to describe. War crimes, crimes against humanity. Though I did not participate willingly, and made what I thought was my best effort to stop these events, there are some things that a person simply can not come back from. I take some pride in that, actually, as to move on in life after being part of such a thing would be the mark of a sociopath in my mind. These things go far beyond what most are even aware of.

To force me to do these things and then participate in the ensuing coverup is more than any government has the right to demand. Then, the same government has turned around and abandoned me. They offer no help, and actively block the pursuit of gaining outside help via their corrupt agents at the DEA. Any blame rests with them.

Beyond that, there are the host of physical illnesses that have struck me down again and again, for which they also offer no help. There might be some progress by now if they had not spent nearly twenty years denying the illness that I and so many others were exposed to. Further complicating matters is the repeated and severe brain injuries to which I was subjected, which they also seem to be expending no effort into understanding. What is known is that each of these should have been cause enough for immediate medical attention, which was not rendered.

Lastly, the DEA enters the picture again as they have now managed to create such a culture of fear in the medical community that doctors are too scared to even take the necessary steps to control the symptoms. All under the guise of a completely manufactured “overprescribing epidemic,” which stands in stark relief to all of the legitimate research, which shows the opposite to be true. Perhaps, with the right medication at the right doses, I could have bought a couple of decent years, but even that is too much to ask from a regime built upon the idea that suffering is noble and relief is just for the weak.

However, when the challenges facing a person are already so great that all but the weakest would give up, these extra factors are enough to push a person over the edge.

Is it any wonder then that the latest figures show 22 veterans killing themselves each day? That is more veterans than children killed at Sandy Hook, every single day. Where are the huge policy initiatives? Why isn’t the president standing with those families at the state of the union? Perhaps because we were not killed by a single lunatic, but rather by his own system of dehumanization, neglect, and indifference.

It leaves us to where all we have to look forward to is constant pain, misery, poverty, and dishonor. I assure you that, when the numbers do finally drop, it will merely be because those who were pushed the farthest are all already dead.

And for what? Bush’s religious lunacy? Cheney’s ever growing fortune and that of his corporate friends? Is this what we destroy lives for

Since then, I have tried everything to fill the void. I tried to move into a position of greater power and influence to try and right some of the wrongs. I deployed again, where I put a huge emphasis on saving lives. The fact of the matter, though, is that any new lives saved do not replace those who were murdered. It is an exercise in futility.

Then, I pursued replacing destruction with creation. For a time this provided a distraction, but it could not last. The fact is that any kind of ordinary life is an insult to those who died at my hand. How can I possibly go around like everyone else while the widows and orphans I created continue to struggle? If they could see me sitting here in suburbia, in my comfortable home working on some music project they would be outraged, and rightfully so.

I thought perhaps I could make some headway with this film project, maybe even directly appealing to those I had wronged and exposing a greater truth, but that is also now being taken away from me. I fear that, just as with everything else that requires the involvement of people who can not understand by virtue of never having been there, it is going to fall apart as careers get in the way.

The last thought that has occurred to me is one of some kind of final mission. It is true that I have found that I am capable of finding some kind of reprieve by doing things that are worthwhile on the scale of life and death. While it is a nice thought to consider doing some good with my skills, experience, and killer instinct, the truth is that it isn’t realistic. First, there are the logistics of financing and equipping my own operation, then there is the near certainty of a grisly death, international incidents, and being branded a terrorist in the media that would follow. What is really stopping me, though, is that I simply am too sick to be effective in the field anymore. That, too, has been taken from me.

Thus, I am left with basically nothing. Too trapped in a war to be at peace, too damaged to be at war. Abandoned by those who would take the easy route, and a liability to those who stick it out—and thus deserve better. So you see, not only am I better off dead, but the world is better without me in it

This is what brought me to my actual final mission. Not suicide, but a mercy killing. I know how to kill, and I know how to do it so that there is no pain whatsoever. It was quick, and I did not suffer. And above all, now I am free. I feel no more pain. I have no more nightmares or flashbacks or hallucinations. I am no longer constantly depressed or afraid or worried

I am free.

I ask that you be happy for me for that. It is perhaps the best break I could have hoped for. Please accept this and be glad for me.

Daniel Somers

To read amazing interviews with warriors, check out Warrior SOS, the book on Amazon.com. http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00D3WO7VK

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To read amazing interviews with warriors, check out Warrior SOS: Interviews, Insights and Inspiration, the book on Amazon.com. Here's the link: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00D3WO7VK

Father's Day post

Gen. Robert E. Lee was one day walking through the snow. His oldest of seven children, still a lad at the time, was mimicking every step his father took; he stepped in the same footprints as his dad. General Lee later recalled, "When I saw this, I said to myself, It behooves me to walk very straight when this fellow is already following in my tracks."

That story reminds me of a poem I read many years ago. I'm not sure who the author is. The poem goes like this:

A careful man I ought to be

A little boy follows me

I dare not ever go astray

For fear he’ll go the self same way.

I must remember as I go,

Through summers heat and winter’s snow

I’m building for the years to be

The little chap who follows me

I cannot once escape his eyes,

What ere he sees me do he tries.

Like me he says he’s going to be

This little chap who follows me.

We all can be good examples to those around us, whether we're fathers or not. May we each recognize that there is always someone looking to our example and looking to us to be leaders. Sometimes the title of "Father" isn't alone given to one who bears children, although that's one of the most significant and important roles in life. No, sometimes "Father" is reserved for leaders, like General and later President George Washington, the Father of our Nation, or James Madison, the Father of the Constitution, or all of America's Founding Fathers.

Finally, in a society that is increasingly fatherless and too often exhibits a disturbing trend of cultural emasculation towards men and boys, let us remember to rise up and be the kind of men and fathers whom our mothers would be proud to call sons.


To read amazing interviews with warriors, check out Warrior SOS: Interviews, Insights and Inspiration, the book on Amazon.com. Here's the link: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00D3WO7VK

Wounded Warrior Project interview and Warrior SOS success story

In this video, Colin Bond references J.P., whose words and interview was found here on Warrior SOS. JP Villont and his wife Lisa, have done wonderful things for many wounded warriors. It takes a lot of courage to go public, especially about such a sensitive topic as PTSD. Kudos to you Colin, JP and Lisa.

JP and Lisa Villont's story can be read in the newly released e-book, Warrior SOS, available on Amazon. Here's the link: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00D3WO7VK

Freedom is not free - A soldier's pledge

To read amazing interviews with warriors, check out Warrior SOS: Interviews, Insights and Inspiration, the book on Amazon.com. Here's the link: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00D3WO7VK

My Memorial Day Message

To all my brothers and sisters who've suffered from wars desolation, and for those who've lost family members and beloved friends in battle, or because of battle, may you all find and experience peace this special holiday and always.


To read amazing interviews with warriors, check out Warrior SOS: Interviews, Insights and Inspiration, the book on Amazon.com. Here's the link: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00D3WO7VK

Requiem for a Soldier - Katherine Jenkins

To read amazing interviews with warriors, check out Warrior SOS: Interviews, Insights and Inspiration, the book on Amazon.com. Here's the link: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00D3WO7VK

Taps

To read amazing interviews with warriors, check out Warrior SOS: Interviews, Insights and Inspiration, the book on Amazon.com. Here's the link: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00D3WO7VK

Mansions of the Lord, lyrics

To fallen soldiers let us sing,
Where no rockets fly nor bullets wing,
Our broken brothers let us bring
To the Mansions of the Lord

No more weeping,
No more fight,
No friends bleeding through the night,
Just Divine embrace,
Eternal light,
In the Mansions of the Lord

Where no mothers cry
And no children weep,
We shall stand and guard
Though the angels sleep,
Oh, through the ages let us keep
The Mansions of the Lord





To read amazing interviews with warriors, check out Warrior SOS: Interviews, Insights and Inspiration, the book on Amazon.com. Here's the link: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00D3WO7VK

Fanfare for the Common Man, Aaron Copeland

To read amazing interviews with warriors, check out Warrior SOS: Interviews, Insights and Inspiration, the book on Amazon.com. Here's the link: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00D3WO7VK

Broken Things to Mend - Jeffrey R. Holland

To read amazing interviews with warriors, check out Warrior SOS: Interviews, Insights and Inspiration, the book on Amazon.com. Here's the link: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00D3WO7VK

Memorial Day message from Colin Powell

Memorial Day is also a time to personally say thank you to all living veterans. Across our nation there are Memorial Day parades that move down small town streets and big city boulevards.... We cheer these beloved sons and daughters of America. But after the marching bands salute, after the parade has turned the corner and the music fades away in the distance, you and I must never forget the enormous adjustment our men and women make when they return home from war. Some face monumental physical, mental, spiritual and emotional challenges as they seek to reestablish their lives as they cope with the changes within themselves and their families brought on by the ravages of war. 

It’s easy to celebrate the brave men and women of our Armed Forces and appreciate their sacrifice on Memorial Day and then return to our daily lives. Let us practice the lesson of the Good Samaritan, to not pass by on the other side of those in need, but to reach out a helping hand as true neighbors. We can all do something. Volunteer to welcome our vets and their families back into the community, encourage employers to hire veterans, get involved with your local veterans organizations, simply listen to their stories. These men and women are our heroes who stood tall for us in every dangerous part of the world. They have kept us safe, so keep them and their families in your hearts and minds and find tangible ways to help and honor them always. Thank you and God bless our veterans.

-- The Honorable Colin Powell, 2013 National Memorial Day Concert


To read amazing interviews with warriors, check out Warrior SOS: Interviews, Insights and Inspiration, the book on Amazon.com. Here's the link: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00D3WO7VK

Memorial Day poem - Walt Whitman's "Dirge for Two Veterans"

Walt Whitman (1819-1892)
Dirge for Two Veterans

The last sunbeam
Lightly falls from the finished Sabbath,
On the pavement here, and there beyond it is looking,
Down a new-made double grave.

Lo, the moon ascending,
Up from the east the silvery round moon,
Beautiful over the house-tops, ghastly, phantom moon,
Immense and silent moon. 

I see a sad procession,
And I hear the sound of coming full-keyed bugles,
All the channels of the city streets they’re flooding,
As with voices and with tears.

I hear the great drums pounding
And the small drums steady whirring,
And every blow of the great convulsive drums,
Strikes me through and through.

For the son is brought with the father,
(In the foremost ranks of the fierce assault they fell,
Two veterans son and father dropped together,
And the double grave awaits them.)

Now nearer blow the bugles,
And the drums strike more convulsive,
And the daylight o’er the pavement quite has faded,
And the strong dead-march enwraps me.

In the eastern sky up-buoying,
The sorrowful vast phantom moves illumined,
(‘Tis some mother’s large transparent face,
In heaven brighter growing.)

O strong dead-march you please me!
O moon immense with your silvery face you soothe me!
O my soldiers twain! O my veterans passing to burial!
What I have I also give you.

The moon gives you light,
And the bugles and the drums give you music,
And my heart, O my soldiers, my veterans,
My heart gives you love.


To read amazing interviews with warriors, check out Warrior SOS: Interviews, Insights and Inspiration, the book on Amazon.com. Here's the link: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00D3WO7VK